Is spanking or punishing the best way to educate a child?

What's the best way to make a child obey?  Let's talk.

Growing up, spanking and punishment were some of the most used methods to educate a child both at home and at school.

Our elders did this with a passion since they thought it was the best way of instilling good morals.

In reality, beating in itself is very humiliating.

These methods are mostly used when the reffered parent feels like they have lost control of the situation and have run out of options.

Some parents spank their kids simply because they want to be obeyed. Using force makes them feel relieved and helps them gain back their position of power.

There are several ways of discipling a child and violence should not be one of them.

What violence does to a child is, it makes him think that the best way to solve an argument is through violence.

This child won't learn to negotiate, or get into a discussion till coming to a point of agrement.

Growing while having this kind of mentality is very disturbing.

To go further, have you ever wondered why domestic violence exist? This is one of the cause among others...

It's good to teach a child that making a mistake is not the end of the world. Like I usually tell my daughter, "we can/will always find a solution together. No matter how ugly the situation looks, there is always a solution".

With kids, you have to put words in everything. From giving explanation as to why you saying no to his request ; to helping him use words to express how he/she feels.

With my four year old, we use words like " What's going on in your head"?

I can go like " I feel there are dark clouds in your head, isn't it"? We use dark clouds to mean sadness or anger. And sun to mean happiness.

We then help her undersand her feeling and their cause.

Do you have dark clouds because so and so took your game? or did i say a word that you din't like? next time they take your game, you should say a big NO or next time i say something that you do not like, help me recognise and i will explain myself etc etc...

What happens here? while talking and indulging your kid, he's re-assured that you undersand how he feels.

By puting words in what they feel, it help a child undersand their feeling and help them know how to identify the problem and solve it.

I will write about how to help a child control his/her emotions later...

But for now, we on violence.

Punishment or spanking is not a win win game. It destroy a kid and makes him rebel instead of obeying.

When a kid is being punished or spanked, they do not understand why this method is used and secondly, the kid see's that the mistake done does not line up to the spanking level.

On the other hand, it is not uncommon that after such a situation the adult feels guilty, which the child perceives.

Some parents subconsciously think that the mistake their children do is intentional. It is better to be aware of this state of mind in order to get rid of it.

Punished toddlers are unable to play and obey all the rules since their mental developpement state do not allow them to do so.

In addition, if spanking is repeated too often, the child will be constantly afraid of making mistakes, he will no longer dare to undertake any risks or anything since fear has been instilled in him. The repetition of spanking can then makes the child grows a low self esteem, adopt a defensive behavior and be worried everytime there is an adult around him.

What should we do instead?

When disciplining a kid, make sure you have clear rules that are appropriate for your child's age, as well as logical consequences. For example, if he pours down his cup of milk, ask him to help you wipe the mess. Work as a team with your child other than a parent or a caregiver.

Sharing experiences and observations allows you to better understand your little one's needs and to agree on the limits to be given and the qualities to be valued.

When reminding the rules, choose a quiet time and place to explain the rules to your child, and expect to have to repeat them often.

Give your toddler time to talk too and let him or her express how he feels without interrupting.

When it's time to express your disappointment, dissatisfaction or anger, clearly state immediately your disagreement with your child. Don't wait until you are exhausted before telling him that his behavior is unacceptable.

Ignore certain disturbing behaviors when your child is not that serious. If you don't give them too much attention, they may go away on their own.

At times, go farther by analysing every situation and understanding where the discomfort is coming from. Example :, when it's lunch time, or time for a nap...understand that if the order is not respected, be ready for some tantrums.

Allow your child express himself at times. They need it. It is ok for a child to cry due to fatigue without you over reacting..

Talk and treat your child the way you would like someone else to talk or treat you.

Praise your toddler when he is behaving well. Encourage him to continue.

What should be kept in mind is, children are human, they listen. They accept things easily when they feel like they are being heard and treated with respect.

Talking makes work easier than applying force.

Stay calml and enjoy the process :)

Feel free to share, like or comment. Parenthood is a journey.